Random Thoughts....

I have a lot of catching up to do to fill everyone in on the events of the past few days, and I do promise to get it done as quickly as I can.  I am a first time blogger, and started this project late last night.  I am  figuring it out as I go, so please, bear with me.  If anyone has anything they would like to contribute/add/edit please feel free to send it to me and I will gladly put it up.  I know that this blog is written based on my perspective of the last few days.  My perspective is the only one that I have access to at the moment! 

Just now, as I was drifting off, I started to think about how this will inevitably change my relationship with Shannon.  To some degree, I know that every challenge you face in relationship changes it.  This just feels so much 'bigger'.

Of course, there is the obvious stuff.

Coming so close to losing someone you love heightens your love for them instantly.  You cherish them more.  You imagine, for just a moment, what your life would be like without them and you know that you never want to actually live that out.  You re-asses your priorities and, where needed, adjust your life and time accordingly.   You give out affection and loving words more freely and unabashedly than you did before.   You promise yourself you will never take that person, or anyone else you love, for granted ever again so long as you live.  And its true.  For a period of time.  Its true that is, until old habits take over, and the pain of the potential loss dulls with the memory of the incident itself.  At least, I am ashamed to admit, that is the way it has been for me thus far.

Don't get me wrong.  I adore my friends and family.  Losing, or coming close to losing people over the years HAS taught me to love in a new way.   It hasn't changed the fact though, that life is messy sometimes and staying focused on what is truly important and finding balance proves difficult at times. 

Somehow though, this experience has been different from any other loss or near loss in my life.  The time that I have spent with Shannon since her stroke has been like learning to love her in a whole new way.  I admire her strength and determination.  I think its safe to say we all do.  Its more than that too.

Several times in the past few days I felt like I had the opportunity to travel back in time and meet Shannon as a child.  Its like catching a glimpse of something you never even took time to imagine, and likely couldn't have conjured up in your mind if you had.

The child in Shannon is so sweet, enthusiastic and incredibly loving.  Every once in a while, she pouts.  And, as you can imagine, its pretty damn cute.  She asks questions you wouldn't expect and listens to the answers with wide eyes and childlike wonder.  She is beyond polite to her caregivers and listens to their instructions carefully and respectfully obeys them.  She worries about things and asks a lot of questions.

As crazy as this sounds, there is a part of me that will miss that little girl as her condition improves as I know it will. Today, I saw a little less of Shannon's inner child than I did yesterday.  This is great news!  But, I have just met that little girl and have fallen madly in love with her.  I am already wondering if I will forget her when all this is over.  Maybe writing this down will help me to remember.

For me, there is a unique and comfortable intimacy that comes from spending time with friends that you have known since childhood.  They know you so well.  They've seen you through so many awkward phases, mistakes, and grown with you.  Its something else entirely though, to be suddenly introduced to a close friends child-self as an adult.  I don't know how to describe it, its such a gift!

I am so excited that my relationship with Shannon will have this new 'layer' of love.

Until tomorrow....